I'm fucking shag and lethargic after work. Although I'm only a part time but the hours stayed over at income is damn long. Every time during lunch break, I'll feel so damn lonely. Or perhaps, that's the time where I learn to be independent. Had every lunch alone and slowly, it doesn't matter to me if I have my lunch alone outside. Or perhaps, the time he left me, I've been trying to be independent and have no one to rely on anymore. Buddha, I'm really feeling very very tired, be it mentally or physically. I've been really struggling every single day to be fine, to move on, to be more energetic and to be better.

I hate my life now, really hate it so much that I felt totally useless. Everything seems going down for me, or maybe should I said especially May and June. Now, it seems like Daryl and I are on bad terms and I seriously don't know what the fuck went wrong. I wish I was a little ignorance and not knowing anything than now, knowing every single day. And that hurts most. Ignorance is really a bliss. Not knowing what happen, Daryl didn't turn up for the outing 'cause he doesn't want to see me and I didn't know that I actually made him dislike me so damn much. Tbh, I've been affected by this for a long time, or in fact, the heartbreak came at the same time.

Guys, it's not I ain't want to move on. I want to, so damn badly, but it's hard. It's not I ain't trying, I tried but failed. It's not I'm used to having him, no, but I just ain't interested in other guys at all. Well, I guess no one know how I exactly feel right now. The feeling really sucks so much that I wish I am a cold-blooded that don't have any feeling, no pain, no sadness, nothing at all. So please, stop blaming me for every small mistakes. You guys should just seriously stopped. And I've yet to tell my mom about this heartbreaking news. I've been acting and acting as though we are still pretty fine. I'm tired already but I don't wish my mom to know. How long can I endure, how long more can I be strong?