Speechless night

First day of November, a bad start of the month. Doubt things will go smoothly for the rest of the year anymore. I'm just too depressed, so depressed that I no longer have any motivation to fight this bloody god damn battle. I'm already slowly having the mindset of let-me-die-in-the-battlefield or just-shot-me-dead.

Well, there's no one to blame other than myself for this outcome. I could have study even harder for my exam but I just didn't put in much effort so I should have expect this outcome. Yes, it's supposed to be, "no point getting upset over things that had happened/fixed" but it's not easy to get cheer up just like that. I'm upset about the time and again failures I faced, but what made it worse is the anger I had in me, the anger of blaming myself for not putting much effort in my uni life. I've been treating it as though I'm studying poly now. I just ain't good at handling stress.

Working is tired though I know I'm just a part time employee. I just hate myself for having such life, and all I can ever do is probably blame myself for not having self discipline. No point telling myself to change when I don't have the motivation to change. Now, it's all gonna depends on myself.

Well, done ranting my bloody upset problem. Would really love to thanks jueying for her listening ear tonight and not to forget, my lovely bro Philson for being so steady and willing to bring me out for dessert to cheer me up when it was already 10plus. But now, I'm having toothache, just another issue to add up to my emo night.

G'night. :(