Shall do a little updating here since I'm quite free at work now and needa keep myself entertained.

Been working at Cerebral Palsy Alliance S'pore for three weeks, everything seems pretty good! Nice colleagues, nice boss, nice environment and nice experience that I will gain. Feeling really good when I managed to make friends with the clients who are slightly intellectual disabled. No doubt that initially when I see them, I was wondering if I will be able to communicate with them well but to my surprise, I can actually laugh and joke around with them easily. It's really a great achievement made though.

Feeling really tired at work now because of the sea games. Has been catching badminton closely and even went down for two sessions. However, got a little upset that Singapore Slingers did not make it to the finals but it's okay, they still look pretty awesome! Hahaha.

Can't wait for the firework tomorrow for the closing ceremony!

Renewwww

It's been almost two months since I've update here. I just wonder how long more will blogger be closing down, especially when there are so many new platforms and social media coming up like Dayre. Will my blog closed down just like msn messenger?

This two months were kind of both hectic and relaxing for me!

Well, I believe all my close friends would have know by now that I have left nEbO. Honestly, I feel really relieved and relax after leaving the organisation. Though I have made quite a few good friends here but I believe other grasslands are better for me. Ended my last day without getting paid but at the same time, working like a cow. But seeing my youths getting awards for the night, I guess it's kind of worthwhile. No doubt that it seems like drifted apart between the girls and me, but I guess it takes quite a lot of effort to keep up with each other. 

So after quitting nEbO, finally I do have more times for myself and friends. Realised that it has been six months since we last met, so we decided to catch up a little with each other life. And guess what? Rachel is going to get married! Couldn't stop feeling excited when I heard the news that her rom is just a week away and her wedding lunch gonna be just less than a year! Both Denise and I were so excited upon hearing it but I guess Rachel must be really busy with all the preparation. Knowing that I will have to be the sister, I shall start my diet plan for now onnnnn. 

During these period of relaxation and hunting for jobs, did went out a few times with CH. 

And also, exercise to keep myself fit. 

And, catching up with my lovely girls who finished their exams too!

Sad to say, it was a short period of relaxation. Facing the reality, I'm gonna start my new company on Tuesday. Feeling really lucky, I managed to get into social service industry! So guys, please wish me luck and hope everything will be fine there. 

Cheers all! 

White

It was quite an upsetting week to go, with the sudden news of our founding father passed on. I admit that I never know how great he was or what it really happened to make what Singapore it is now. Even during the National Day, I did not even fully understand the joy of celebrating this meaningful day. 

But sadly, it was only after he passed on, and all the television has been playing his documentary, that was when I fully understand what had happened more than 50 years back and what he had exactly done to make what it is now. It was really a lesson and knowledge gain, unfortunately, in such a way. I couldn't help but to tears when I watched the documentary. He is really a great man. 

I am never a person who will queue hours for something, but he makes me feel that queuing for hours seems worthwhile. Comparing to what he had done for us to have such a good environment to live in, I believe queuing for merely few hours to pay respects to him is really nothing, nothing compared to all those. Tomorrow is Sunday, national mourning day. It's gonna be a day where thousands will be wiping their tears and bid goodbye to him. I really can't imagine how upsetting the situation will be. 

After the tiring day in the morning, managed to go home and have a good nap before meeting C for dinner. It was really nice to receive the lozenges, especially after I asked for sweet cause my throat was feeling really uncomfortable. What funniest was when he kept his promises and sang in the  public. But no doubt that he really sings pretty nice, kind of impressed now though. 

Dream came true

It's really good to know that some of my friends are still reading my blog at times. And it's also because of this, this J suddenly came and text me to concern about my health, assuming that I am facing some health issues. 

I'm really feeling lucky because I finally got into the industry that I've been long wanting to get in. And yes, I'm leaving this very-hard-to-engage-youths job in around one month time. I did not tell anyone when I went for interview for my new company, not even my parents. Lesson was learnt when I went to cdac for interview and I was being offered, but I rejected. Parents was kind of questioning me why did I rejected. So, I learnt to keep things to myself. From going to interview, to being offered and letting my boss know about it, it was only when everything was settled, then I decided to share with them. 

I guess my passion and interests in wanting to get into social service started when I was with X. Though I did not volunteer in care events, but I remember I dragged him once to volunteer in one of the elderly centre. I tried sending resumes to social service but was rejected. I went once to my new company for interview before I even worked in my current one, but was being rejected. That is why I kept saying that I am really lucky because I was being shortlisted for interview again, and finally, being offered as volunteer executive there. I swear I was god damn happy when they called me after my interview, and it makes me can't wait to leave this company! 

Just one more month. At least I get to see TSS get up the stage to receive their award on my last day of work. I've been trying my best to memorize the speech for the video filming on Monday. I hope I won't be that emotional when I work in the new company, and that is what my friends are worried about. Psss, can't wait can't wait! :)

Opportunity

It wasn't a tough choice to make, in fact it was easy and lucky I could say. All I could say is I have to be honest during my appraisal review that if opportunities come, I will take and I will leave. Like I said, I was lucky, real lucky enough to be facing these now. Opportunities have come knocking to me twice. 

I'm glad I took the courage to take this opportunity. I know it is time to let my youths know, perhaps not those that I ain't comfortable working with, but those who have been appreciating me all my hard work. No doubt that Douglas came into my mind first when I thought that I should at least share with the youth. It was hard because emotion connects during the tough period last year when we were preparing for the presentation for their awards. 

They are a bunch of youth who are so young yet received Young Achiever Award last year. It was really touching when I saw both D and Y went up stage to receive their awards. This year, I prepared them for their presentation during the judging sessions and that was when we got to know each other more. I still vividly remember when judges were stucked between 6 nominees for the excel awards and I had to go in to speak up for them. I was so damn nervous, not because I have stage fright but because I don't really understand them well to be even fighting for them. I tried my best as their advisor to speak up for them and I am really glad to say that, next month I'll be seeing them again during the awards night. 

Broke the news to D earlier on and it was really upset to be sharing such information with him. But at least, I will be ending this on a teary night where I will be so proud of them. I'm glad that I've met them and been showing appreciation to me. 

Gonna go for another new round of medical check up again! 

At some point of time, I still wish that I can at least talk to someone; to share my thoughts and problems. 

But it's just so hard to find that someone who I can really let go of and be myself. 

Happiness or money?

Finally got the chance to catch some breathe again, especially after the hectic month of January for both Elle and me. It was really crazy and never easy to be planning such a big event, involving so many people and locations. Many things have to take into consideration, this is definitely something I have take away from here. 

Though it was a busy month for me, we still managed to take part in the union badminton tournament. I was really glad that we played for women's doubles and managed to emerged into quarter final, especially when we were totally laughing away in the court. I guess we were probably like the jokers in the entire sport hall. Whatever it is, it was a pretty good experience! 

Because of the hectic work I had at work, I could hardly meet up with my friends to catch up. Even if I do, I will be so tired to be listening what they are saying. Through these few months, the people that I've met were just that few close friends of mine. It totally seems like I've got no life. 

There are times when I feel that it was totally not worth it to be sacrificing my friends because of work, and especially when my "customers" weren't even appreciative of what I have done. Perhaps, it's only this group of youths who really do appreciate. There were times when I was so harsh with them during the execution of the event that I raised my voice a little on them. But I'm still glad that they still continue to invite us for Christmas party and even did a shirt for us during their judging session. What more could I ask for?

But this still doesn't stop me from having the thought of leaving here. I just can't force myself to do what I am doing now anymore. I'm exhausted. Perhaps the only thing that make me hesitated to leave are this group of colleagues where they always stand by me and be there for me when I needed help or a listening ears. 

These girls really mean a lot to me. 

So after the entire month of January has end, I finally have the time to meet up with Yi Hui and catch more breathe. 

There are many times where I ask myself; is happiness more important or earning more money more important? I choose happiness, what about you?

Christmas Eve

It's Christmas Eve! Time flies so fast that it's already the end of the year. Well, it seems like I'm getting older and older and I just ain't that enthusiastic in preparing gifts or doing handmade stuffs for friends and loved ones anymore. It's not that I ain't love giving gifts to them anymore but I'm just no longer into that festive mood. 

Have been feeling sick this past week and haven't been really recovering. From a minor sore throat till flu and fever now, it makes me don't look forward to celebrating at all. Looked through my secret box full of letters and handmade cards, it filled with memories. There are cards from 2008 till now; all those sweet little talking makes me feel that it really seems quite bullshit. It's not that I don't appreciate all these cards but the content just don't mean and fulfil what it was stated. All those sweet talking became something that was meaningless. 

Maybe being a little defensive here, but all these incidents made me feel that all these sweet talking can't be trusted and it might be just some sweet talking at that point of time. It just makes me harder to trust someone. But no doubt that when I read through those cards and letter, it did brought back some memories. 

Can't wait for new year to come but as of what I understand, goat doesn't seem to be in their best year this time round. But, not like I am having my best time of the year too. 

Truthful answer

At some point of time in life, you will agree that ignorance is bliss. But at some point of time, you will still wish to hear the truthful answer from that particular someone. Knowing that hearing the truthful answer might affect your feeling but you just want to hear it and face the pain.

It was just a short few months spent and it let me clearly see through someone's true colour. The drastic changes I saw in him was something that I could not believe in my own eyes. From a loving and caring man to a selfish and bad tempered fella, it was something that I totally could not handle at all. The naive me still thought that things will change for the better, I guess I was stupid.

Lies after lies was what I got from him throughout these months. Forgiveness after forgiveness was what I gave to him instead. A lie was told because of his selfishness. A lie was told because he thought that ignorance is bliss. A lie was told in return of a hurtful moment of truth I have to face. To think back about it, I could not believe and imagine how much lies he had told me in just a short span of time. Trust was what I had given to him the best throughout these period, not even a bit of suspicion. 

To hear your truthful answer, it took me real long to ask you. I could not help it but started pouring down after hearing all those truthful heartfelt words from you.  I was speechless too. As much as I told myself that I understand your feeling and stand, I could not stop feeling cheated by you. It comes to a point where I am just so utterly disappointed in myself for believing you. I learnt this lesson through a hard way. 

We have too much differences. I am naive, naive for falling into all the sweet talking and sweet doing.  Now, I'm pretty sure that you aren't worth it at all.  

I'm thankful to have Liang Yi, Wendy and other friends for all these while. Liang Yi and Wendy have be with me for the longest period everyday. They saw how upset I was over this matter and saw how affected I was these few days. Thankful to have both of them to constantly cheer me up and be there as my listening ears. I couldn't ask for more, really. :') 

The ugly truth

It's finally December and honestly, I can't wait for this year to end. There are just too much unhappy stuffs going on this year. I can't wait for the new year to come, and hopefully there will be more happy stuffs going around me.

On my past few posts, I've been mentioning about him, this 'special someone' that was in my life for few months ever since I started working here. It was amazing on how we met till how we became close and having that little special place in our heart. I always thought that he was the boyfriend material, so did my friends and family. He always be there for me, ensuring my safety back home, making breakfast and lunch for me and buying things for me just to make sure that I am well taken care of. Everything just seems too unreal. We almost got together once again. Almost.

I don't deny that things was a little way too fast, especially when I just over with my previous relationship like months ago. But all these was really beyond my control, and things just came naturally. He has taken care of me so well that I've fell for him naturally. It becomes a daily routine that he will give me a morning call when it's needed to. He brought me to meet up with his close friends a couple of times, just to let his friends got to know me better and vice versa. Slowly, he will asked me along for the outing with his friends; badminton sessions, dinner, singing and even chilling somewhere on a weekend. Everything seemed so fine.

But slowly, I started feeling that things seemed to change a little. I questioned myself a couple of time, thinking if I was being too paranoid over this but unfortunately, my six sense still proves to me that I am right. Had a long talk with him at his house on a Saturday night and I told him how was I feeling and how disappointed am I seeing things turning unhappy for both of us. He remained silence throughout the night. We did not contact each other for a few days, wanting to sort out our thinking or to be exact, his thinking. 

He requested to meet up to talk to me and wanting to have a good talk that night. I was softhearted and I told myself to give him the chance that I thought he deserved. Just like any guy, when chance was being given, he took the full use of it; to make breakfast, constantly meeting up for dinner and texting me. But sadly, this doesn't last. The same old things came back. Not contacting much, a cold reply on whatsapp, no morning call, venting anger on me and even to the extent of crticizing. It comes to a point where he could no longer bother to reply me for hours despite seeing the whatsapp. Excuses after excuses, that was what he gave to me. Honesty isn't in this relationship at all. 

Tonight, I've never feel so angry and disappointed with someone before. I'm really tired of hearing all sort of excuses; saying that he has mixed feeling of treating me as a friend or couple, to not wanting to let go of me. All the contradiction in his words have really broke my heart. So what's his truthful words and feeling? 

What Liangyi said was absolutely right. Till I really fall hard, I will then understand the pain. Despite countless of times they asked me to give up on this, I couldn't bother to heed to their advise. Now that I have fell deep and injured myself, I finally understand the pain I have to go through. 

Honesty is what I hope to have from us, even if it's gonna be a ugly truth, so be it. It's always better than having a beautiful lie. One thing I know for sure, I will never be able to step into your life and understand your world if you don't even make the effort to open up to me. I've done what I can do to make things work but sadly, it takes more than one hand to clap. 

I hope you will truly understand this. 

Not ended yet

I'm finally done with the two big projects already, and before I thought I can take a step slower, I realized that I have an event that is still in the midst of planning and gonna execute in two weeks time. Nothing was even done yet. But whatever it is, this event that was initially started with lots of problems have ended it successfully.

Working here have made me develop that kind of colleague feeling with a few close ones. Wendy and Liangyi are the two good examples that I'm happy to know at work. They definitely make my work life easier. 

Been meeting poly cliques quite recently, probably once a month for birthday celebration and all. Feel so comfortable hanging out with them and they just seem like my brothers and sisters, someone that I can go through my life with. It's not easy to be so comfortable with someone but they make me feel that way. I can't wait for our hotel stay next month, I'll go and be a good organizer, don't you worry. 

After the long talk with him last week, and I guess things are taking its slow step to see how it goes. No doubt that I was feeling really disappointed with him previously but I guess I'm just being too softhearted that everything seems alright to me. But I'm thankful that he actually wanted me to join his friends for dinner and to let us know each other. Though we aren't together now, it's still quite relieved to know that he's putting that little effort. Well, everything is too soon to make assumption now so, shall slowly see how is it.

Goodnight all! :)

Disappointment

It's quite 'amazing' how things can just turn out like that now, definitely not in a good way I mean. It just got me wondering, how sincere can someone be or how human can tend to make use of one another? This question really got me wondering for days, and till now, I still couldn't find the exact answer.

Well, things just happened and turned out this way unknowingly. I don't know what to say and I don't know how to really react to this but one thing I know for sure, is the disappointment I felt throughout this whole thing. How things exactly happened, I couldn't share much. But honestly, I've never feel so disappointed with someone in my entire life, not to such extent. All I can say is, action really speaks louder than words.  Without action, words are just meaningless.

I hope you understand that.

Finally met up with my two dearest uni friends for a short catch up during dinner. Was so happy that Khayling going to get married next year and she has already invited us down for the wedding lunch! :) And not to forget about Smith, that little boy finally found that someone special that he wants to work hard for! It was really funny when he was so nervous and busy buying things for her when he knows she was  sick. I hope he's sincere in treating the girl well. 

Well, I guess it's pretty obvious to see if someone is since is treating you well. Perhaps, that's not what I feel from him. 

Third month

I've been so tired and busy with work that I could hardly catch a breathe now. It's really way too hectic that I no longer feel and experience work-life balance here. It's really way too taxing for me. It comes to a point where sometimes, I just feel like breaking down 'cause it's really just so tough.

But I can't be like a raw egg like what Liangyi says. I wanna be at least...a half-boiled egg; might be a little weak, but still a little solid. I always thought that everyone should be responsible on their work but slowly, I realized that it might not be and not everyone is.

I just wish that things can be a little simpler now. I miss my friends, I miss going out with them, without having any thoughts on my mind. Just relax, just chill and just laugh at any slight things. 

Been in my company for three months and this is my first time attended a dinner and dance as a full-time employee. With the theme of 'around the world', we are the unique little ones where we represented ourselves as air marshal. This is awesome cool shit! And not to forget, Wendy and Liangyi have always be the one that share my problem at work and guided me throughout. :)

Thankful

It's been really long since I had drinking with my friends. But I'm glad that we actually came up with this and didn't expect us to share out so many secrets. It seems like when you grow older, birthday just doesn't seem that interesting anymore and it seems like I ain't that looking forward about it.

I'm thankful to have Thaijin to celebrate my actual birthday with me, after knowing that S has last minutes thing and didn't celebrate with me. Being such a nice jiemei of mine, she doesn't want to see me being alone on this day, so she actually bought me out for dinner! Love her so much! :)

Friends have been asking about us and I can say is that, things are good and normal now. No doubt that we had some misunderstanding previously but it was somehow solved. Sometimes, really thankful that he made the effort to give me morning calls, making sure that I won't doze off and be late for work. I'm thankful to have met you too. 

Tiring week!

It was really a crazy and tiring week for us, and tmr gonna be the last event already. Had been perspiring like mad during the three events, but as mentioned, it's sweat to simple happiness, especially when it's fruitful ending received! :)

Didn't really have a good talk with him these few days cause of my busy work schedule, but I feel appreciated that he took the effort but waiting for me to end my events these two days, just to send me home and spend that few mins with me.

I sprained my own neck few days back and was really aching so damn badly. He dragged me to tcm and thanks god that now is feeling better and in fact, recovered. It's just all these small little actions make me realized and feel his effort and sincerity. He dotes me so much that it makes me feel like I'm a princess. 

Back to work. First event was the Thank Your Intern Day, held at raffles green. Was in charge of taking care of mascot together with Wendy. I think I looked more like a personal assistant more than in charging of mascot. I did my job as a personal assistant by helping Jia Quan in wearing his mascot suit, opening his bottle, keeping his cap and watch, fan-ing him, and even throwing his tissue paper that he used to wipe his sweat. I'm such a good pa.

So next event was U Fame, that was also held on the same day. I was totally shagged out during the night, but something happened that got me energetic. We won the rara award and our youth got champion and this is our three consecutive years in being the champion! We screamed, shouted, cheered, danced and jumped around when the result was announced. We couldn't believe it at all but we did it again! :) Specially thanks to Wendy and Cindy.

Third event is world learner whereby the kids from Sichuan came to Singapore for exchange. These Sichuan kids are really so adorable that I hope they won't go back to Sichuan tmr! I'm so afraid that I'll miss them so much. They are really way too obedient and polite. 

I shall cherish my time with them tmr! 

I feel it.

I can feel that he is trying his best to avoid me and to make me stop seeing his stuffs. I'm just speechless for everything now.

Feeling loved!

Oh man, can't believe that I'm so dead beat right now. Work has been rather hectic for me, especially with quite a few major events coming up. No doubt that it's quite fun and challenging but sometimes, it just got me too stressed up and feeling rather mentally breakdown. I'm thankful to meet a few nice colleagues here. Just like the pictures speak itself, got to know this two nice ladies and we click pretty well. And I really feel so appreciated towards LY, because he has never once turn me down when I approached him for help. He guided me all along on the procedures and some other stuffs. It got me really touched when I received his text tonight, that he observed that I was feeling rather stress and unhappy today. His encouragement has really made me feel so much better! :)

Been out with S these few days whenever we are free. Feel touched and appreciated that someone shows so much concern towards me and take care of me through small little actions, like getting the heat pack for me when I just randomly said that my stomach is feeling unwell. 

Celebrated Seelast's advance birthday at Podi. I totally hate those feeling of having gastric pain! Had a real bad gastric pain last night, when we were celebrating his birthday. Thanks god, I managed to get some pills at the pharmacy and hopefully, these pills can let me survive without pain. It feels great when 8 of us can continue go out so happily and it's really everyone effort in taking their personal time to meet up! Despite us meeting as 8 and had our JB trip few weeks back, we managed to come together for Seelast's birthday! They better come together as a group again to celebrate my birthday. 

Alright, perhaps I should try to dayre instead? 

Thankful

Work seems to be more tiring now, especially with so many upcoming events that got me a little breathless at times. Anyway, I'm really touched and appreciated his effort. 

I guess words can't describe how thankful I am towards him. 

Surprise sunflower

It's been really long since I have blog or visit my blogspot already. I've recently just joined a reputable organization despite the low earning pay that I am receiving. It's been a month since I've entered this company, no doubt there are many things to me to learn and catch up on.

I got into the company with no one there in helping me to hear to my ranting and sharing with me on the troubles I was facing back then, when two companies actually offered me. I was devastated at that point of time. It was the time when I really learn how to be independent and do decision on my own, without anyone being by my side in sharing my problem. And it was the time when I learn that being alone can actually be a great thing too.

I entered the company, with the mindset of only work, work and to work to be successful and able to save a sum of money. There was really nothing else on my mind back then. I didn't expect my job scope requires me to provide my private number and youths or even partners can actually contact me even outside working hours. It is quite tiring when I have to handle so many messages, but it slowly got used to it. So naturally, this job got me to know more youths as well as partners. Perhaps, things have come naturally for me, without me searching for it.

I met this guy, S, who is the alumni of the youth members. I met him at some gathering and meeting for event discussion. There were no thought of getting closer at that point of time. He offered to send those who stays in east home and apparently, I was the last stop as he stays pretty near me. It was perhaps that ride that made us closer. To avoid that awkward moment in his car back home, I initiated a conversation with him. And surprisingly, he actually shared with me about his experience. I never expect him to share with me so much, but appreciated and that really made us got even closer by a little. After that small talk in his car, we started hanging out for dinner and chit chat under my house. It really caught me off guard when he suddenly gave me sunflower when he sent me home one of our dinner.

From then, we messaged each other almost everyday. He was pretty frank with me about the bad and good things. And now, it really got me very touched when he actually did breakfast for me twice before I headed to work in the early morning. Today, I really feel that strong urge in blogging this because I could say that nothing can describe how appreciated and touched I am. He woke up at 5plus morning to make so much breakfast for me; hash brown, hotdog, potato salad, wraps and juice. There isn't any guy who did so much breakfast for me. And I was more surprised when I found out that he actually travelled from YT to tamp to do these breakfast for me. 

Tonight, we had our dinner and chilling night at park. It then got me feeling a little guilty that I didn't even realized that he was feeling unwell and sick. Filled with much guilt, I really wish that I can do something in return for him. As of now, I really wish he will be well soon.

After so long

Been months since I've blogged over here. These few months have been going through a roller coaster ride, with all the ups and downs. There were many happy times spent with someone I love, there were also sorrow times I had faced after the painful separation. 

I would say that life isn't that easy for me this year, or perhaps these few years. I know there are many things isn't what I wish it will be, it will be. I want to learn to be happy and I want to learn to cherish things in life. I just don't wanna regret with any decision made in life, so I want to do things with my best and living life to the fullest. 

I guess that is what I really want to achieve now.