For the first time, I really want to stay at home and not going anywhere. Even Haowei asked me accompanied him to buy perfumes, mom asked me out for lunch, I am just too restless to go. For the first time, I have the strong urge to end it off. For the first time, I feel that time seemed like stopped till I don't even know what's the date. For the first time, I really don't wish to fall for anyone. For the first time, I wish I never even replied you that time. For the first time, I realized it can actually made us moodless. For the first time, I feel that life could be so boring. For the first time, I feel that I'm a grown up kid. For the first time, I felt deeply hurt by many people within months.

For the first time, I feel like running away.
For the very first time.

Again, this continues to drag and drag, like it's endless. Dislike the feeling of hanging it there for long. Wanted to let it go, but something seems to be pulling me back. Sinking deeper, I shouldn't have any regrets. Yet again, is this what I really want it to be? Heart is contradicting, but mind has actually made up the decision. Despite knowing the outcome, why I still chose to walk this path. I need a listening ear, I really need.

Thanks Zhiyu for being my listening ear and give me advise just now. Now, three of us have the same troubles. I'm really hoping that all these nonsense will be over soon. It's torturing us and I swear it really did. So, screwed this 2010 and I hope 2011 wil be better.

I'm so gonna nua at home tomorrow! The feeling of tiredness I got is really beyond description.

This music video is freakin' not that cute but the song is not bad leh! :D

First day working as a surveyor and it's really what a small world to bump into Kylie at Raffles and it's more what a small world that we are actually working the same job! What a small world, afterall! It was really damn hot today then I perspired and sun burn! For the sake of money, I'll endure!

Tried my best to hit 30 ppl for the afternoon shift and I did 39, to replace for the morning shift! Finished and met the rest at City hall! Walked around Raffles City, Marina Square and dinner at Qi Ji! What a sticky day today! And I'm drinking some tea now and it tastes really sucks, I really vomit can! Working tomorrow too and really thanks Marc for introducing me the jobs! I haven't get my lancome and jobscentral pay, better don't scam me, if not I'll definitely sue!

Okay, finally called Singtel and complained about the internet connection, finally it's better now! I'm going to rest in awhile time! :D
Goodnight everybody !!!!!

A day out with Yihui to town! :)

It was the only day for me to sleep till I shiok but still, I was being called to wake up by my mom to accompany her for lunch. Initially, I really wanted to sleep longer but I realized I haven't been accompanying her for v long so I sacrificed my sleep. What a nice daughter right. Lunch with her and went to see the c&k shoes that I want and ended up, a wallet caught my eyes too.

Marc msg'd me and told me that tmr can start work for the surveyor! I was like so excited 'bout it 'cause this means that I will have income! It seems like I'm working for the sake to buy friends' birthday present. I need to buy things for myself too! Met up with Yihui after that and we went to FEP 'cause I was still thinking whether to do manicure. After much consideration (like ssm period, whole period of next sem can't do manicure at all), I've decided to spend a lil money on myself! :D Did a french manicure and I swear that the manicurist isn't professional at all.

He accompanied me thru'out the manicure time and helped me to reply my friends' msges. I finally tried pink grapefruit juice! :D Walked around and actually wanted to make a cake from icing room to give Haowei but he kept didn't reply my msg so forget it. Walked around 313 and bought a tee for him from Vintage as his present. Gonna pass it to him when I go down to tampines mall! And I swear it was freakin' funny when Yihui stepped on my slipper and it came out and I was god damn embarrassed!

This is the third or fourth time that Yihui and I went out alone and 'm glad that he's going to work w me tomorrow! At least he can accompany me for lunch and break. Both of us seems like money faced kids.

Please tell me what to do to end all these unwanted feeling. I swear it feels sucky in my heart and I'm pretty sure that this ain't going anywhere. Clinging on yet it's hanging there. As time passed, we'll only realized that we have been wasting our time because this is really going nowhere. Trying and trying to understand yet a barrier is always hard to cross. It sinks me deep down and I'm strugglin' and strugglin' to stay alive. Now, you had really spin me round and round till my heart goes hard and soft. Make your stand right and show me what you want. It makes me feel like ending it.

It's like finally, finally, finally the last day of flyers work. I've been waiting for this day for freakin' long. It's really a torture to wake up so early everyday to rush for work. I haven't been sleeping for long hours after since yog ended. I need a rest real badly. That will be tomorrow!

Jaslyn called me during work and she came down to find me! 'm so happy can. She helped me to distributed some of the flyers. She wanted to do manicure and we went to find Chuanhui! She looks real sick, :( Chuanhui, take good care of yourself yeah. We'll be meeting on Tuesday already! Hehehe. It was a great night with Jaslyn 'cause we kept telling each other about our problems. I told her mine, she told me hers. And we actually thought that the two of them are of the same birthday! We chatted about relationship, family, friends, many more. I enjoy the day with her. Oh yah! And I fed her dinner can 'cause she did manicure so can't eat. Haha, 'm a sweet gal tonight! Uh huh uh huh~

After that, met Deerick 'cause he helped me to buy 4D. Thank you much! But still, never strike at all, kinda waste money. Okay, back home and happy to see mommy and daddy! I'm pretty sure that I'm not gonna have inconstant meal 'cause it hurts my stomach! Okay, it's 12.13am and I haven't bathe!

BYEBYEBYE!

I can't waste time so give it a moment, I realised nothing is broken. No need to worry about everything I've done, live every second like it was my last one.

When I thought it was over, it was actually the start of the game. You spin me round and round, like I'm a fool to you. I'm sick of all these insincere and I'm sick of all these. I wonder when, when will be the time when all these heart-bleeding feeling will stops.



Managed to give out 1000 flyers today 'cause we've found a good spot. Yihui and I were so restless that both of us just kept crapping. I hate myself, hate myself for being so weak, hate myself for being unable to make decision, hate myself for making myself suffer from all these bloody nonsense.

Damn internet connection sucks my life up. It's giving me problem, freak. Life sucks, internet sucks, working sucks, everything that happening now just sucks.

The 560th post

Distributing flyers at the escalators of Raffles place and this time round, it's much better than the Lancome one. But it's really god damn stupid to carry the sandwich board. My mom told me that my grandma and the maid were like discussing how come I ain't embarrassed by that?

Who says I ain't? I am, but what to do? For the sake of money. When you have no cash in your bank, you will realized that money rules the world. Whenever you step out of your house, you are prepare to spend your money.



Jaslyn came over to find me and Jason during our three hours break and she accompanied us for lunch and walked around this cbd area. Both of us bought this cute handphone pouch! :D Accompanied Yihui to DBS bank and met him after work for dinner at Bugis! Hehehe.

Raffles place has alot of cute shops can! :D I'm so fascinated by those hello kitty stuffs! Me love me love! Waited for Benjamin at station for half hour, I must say this out to make him guilty. Hehehe, but never mind, I forgive him 'cause he's my buddy.

AND I THINK MY HAIR FREAKING LONG NOW CAN.

Okay goodnight, meeting Weekhim after work for dinner. :) See him tomorrow.